


maybe we can fix each other. - Ricky Bowen & E.J Caswell

by tibsaugusto



Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Disaster Ricky Bowen (HSMTMTS), Bisexual E.J. Caswell, Bisexual Ricky Bowen (HSMTMTS), E.J. Caswell Being an Idiot, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Ricky Bowen (HSMTMTS), Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, M/M, Ricky Bowen Being an Idiot (HSMTMTS), Ricky Bowen Needs A Hug (HSMTMTS), Sad Ricky Bowen (HSMTMTS), Soft Ricky Bowen (HSMTMTS)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-26 06:00:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30101376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tibsaugusto/pseuds/tibsaugusto
Summary: two archenemies playing the roles of two best friends in a school play, along with other twenty chaotic theater students from East High School, including friends, unknown people and exes. what could possibly go right?
Relationships: Ricky Bowen & E.J. Caswell, Ricky Bowen/E.J. Caswell, Ricky Bowen/Nini Salazar-Roberts, Seb Matthew-Smith/Carlos Rodriguez
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	1. confusion and melancholic thoughts.

"... Stop trying, Ricky. don't try so hard, it's embarassing!"

"... why can't you just be real?"

these words kept echoing through my head, not allowing me to sleep. well, that and my lip. thankfully, it wasn't a deep cut so don't need to stitch it up, or whatever... but that doesn't mean the wound doesn't hurt. it hurts like hell. And I'm feeling guilty about the whole Nini situation. Like i said to Ashlyn earlier, she's not like the other girls i dated She's different. She makes me wanna become a better person. That's what I'm trying to do now. i'm ready to prove her that yes, i was wrong for stealing her phone, and so was Ricky for trying to win her back, and hitting me in the face with a basketball; but I realized how much of an a-hole I've been to her. to be honest, I kinda feel bad for being rude to Ricky- wait, nevermind. my lip must be hurting more than the words I directed to him, so I'm still on a disadvantage.

Ej interrupts his train of thought to put some more ice on his wound, so he grabs the ice bag from the nightstand, and when he's about to put it on his lip, he realizes the ice has melted and that he's holding a bag of water. He groans in annoyance and stands up. at first, his vision gets kinda blurry, but he quickly recovers and lazily makes his way to the kitchen, to grab some more ice. As he's going downstairs, he notices what couldn't be more predictable: his parents aren't home. They never go to his games, or his plays, they even missed a birthday once, so Ej was used to his parents' absence. He pretty much raised himself and learned all sorts of cleaning and cooking. The cleaning lady only went there on weekdays, so he basically lives alone at night and during weekends, and he somewhat learned to like it. not really liking, but tolerating. It's not ideal, but not terrible either. He stopped to check his phone: 4am. the birds were starting to sing and the streets weren't as dark as they were. He sighed deeply at the realization that he didn't have much time to sleep. He just applied some ice on his lip and went upstairs.

he soon wakes up to his alarm. he groans, annoyed because the guy who hates his guts took a good night's sleep from him - both due to the injury and the guilt. but why, out of all people, he had to feel any sort of emotion for ricky? he was never a person who enjoyed displaying his feelings, he'd rather hide behind the image of the self-absorbed jock who couldn't spend fifteen minutes without posting something on his instagram page; but deep down he was insecure. he would never admit it to anyone - except Ashlyn. he never told Nini about his anxiety and his occasional panic attacks, which made him question if he had been honest with her about his insecurities - in case she ever found out that he took her phone - she wouldn't hate him for the rest of the year. and eventually Nini found out, which wasn't the most pleasant surprise. she broke up with him, which was justifiable, even Ej admits it, but the transition from "boyfriend and girlfriend" to the feeling that there's a wall between them was too much for Ej. he has an aversion of change, probably due to his parents never being around and his anxiety. he made himself breakfast and changed to his usual school clothes, not forgetting to put on the white and red school jacket, and before he knew it, he was walking through the infamous hallways of East High, home of the leopards.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

"The bottom line is, you made a commitment to be here, Ricky. A big role comes with big responsibility. You and Nini set the tone for the rest of the cast," Miss Jenn said in a frustrated tone as she sat up from her office chair. Ricky was still shocked that his parents were getting a divorce, it didn't feel right. he was too ecstatic to even speak properly, so he mostly nodded and pretended to hear what Miss Jenn was saying. he really loved her, but a pep talk was the last thing he needed right now.

  
"Understood", ricky replied in a low voice, as if he was gathering at the energy he still had to speak. the low volume didn't prevent his voice from cracking, though.

  
"Really? Well, unless it's a family emergency..."

  
"My parents are splitting up... For real" Ricky says, interrupting Miss Jenn while she was talking. she looks at him with an empathic and concerned look, all of the frustration leaving her face in each sylabe he spoke.

  
"I'm so sorry to hear that..." she answered, in a very low tone of voice.

  
both kept in silence for a few seconds before ricky broke down. at first, it was easy to control his emotions, but when he told Miss Jenn, the words echoed through his head and made it even more real, making him realize what was going on. next thing he knew, he was crying on her arms as she whispered onto his ear.

  
"do you want to go home early and stay with your family?" she asked in a soft voice, and he nodded. he wiped his tears, grabbed his backpack and made his way to the bathroom, making sure to avoid eye contact with anyone he knew. he arrived at the bathroom and realized he wasn't the only one there.

  
the moment ricky opened the door, he saw Ej facing the mirror and jumped in surprise, unsurprisingly getting the same reaction from ej. they both hate each other, and at the same time they make each other intimidated by their presence - although they'd never admit it. ej was twice as confused as ricky was, both just stood there in awkward silence.

  
"what?!" ricky said, trying to maintain a threatening tone but failing as soon as his voice cracked.

  
"are you... okay?" ej asked, squinting his eyes at him.

  
"no, I'm not! why would you even care anyway?" ricky yelled at first, but toward the end he just mumbled the words.

  
"jeez, I just asked! no need to yell at me, alright? whatever, I'm leaving."

  
"Ej! wait!" ricky called for him. he turned around and stared at him, waiting.

  
"s-sorry for yelling..." ricky began. he sighs deeply after continuing.

  
"I'm just... mad at everything. I didn't mean to take it all out on you, sorry", he continued in a soft tone.

  
"oh, really? I didn't even notice you are mad," Ej said sarcastically while crossing his arms. Ricky looked at him dead in the eye and scoffed.

  
"are you always like this or what? you know what, forget it. just tell Miss Jenn I went home, she'll know what I'm talking about," Ricky said, about to leave the bathroom.

  
"ricky, wait. can we have like... a few minutes of civilized talk for goodness sake?!" Ej said.

  
both find themselves surrounded by a tense but awkward silence, hearts pounding at the unaware tension that rose as they were arguing. they took their time to catch their breath before saying anything. the truth is that they don't know how to act around each other when they're not arguing or yelling at each other.

  
"so... is something wrong... or whatever?" Ej finally spoke, breaking the silence.

  
"why would you think that I'd trust you? especially after what you did to nini," Ricky replied

.  
"okay, take it down a notch. if you knew what I go through every single day, you would understand... and besides, Miss Jenn is right. Troy and Chad are best friends, and we can't stay near each other without arguing and making Nini and the rest of our friends mad at us. I know you still like her, and I like her too but let's just forget that for a while and act like normal people," Ej said.

  
"not as much as she's mad at you, though," ricky said in a teasing voice.

  
"really, bowen?" Ej stared at him dead in the eyes, arms crossed and walking toward him, threatening. ricky's eyes widened a little at the sight of a mad Ej walking toward him, which didn't help but fuel Caswell's ego.

  
"sorry, okay? just tried to light up the mood... do you ever laugh or even smile?" Ricky answered, half serious, half teasing.

  
"your attempt didn't work," he said while ignoring his question.

  
"wow, you don't have to be so mean about it!" Bowen replied, holding his hands on his chest as if he was hurt. Ej didn't laugh, but he rolled his eyes and sighed.

  
"whatever, are we talking or not?" Ej replied, no emotion in his voice. not that he displays emotion often, but it was even emotionless - if that's possible.

  
"it's just that... wait, why am I even talking?" Ricky began then scoffed.

  
"just spill it, Bowen! maybe there's something I can help you with, or whatever," the taller boy replied.

  
ricky was about to open his mouth, if it wasn't for the door opening suddenly and making both jump in surprise. it was Carlos. the moment it opened, Ricky subconsciously held Ej's shoulder when he looked behind. Ej was facing the door so he just directed his look to it, while ricky had to do a full turn so he could see Carlos. he was panting, as if he just ran a marathon.

  
"there you are! I've been looking for you everywhere! Miss Jenn asked everyone to go back to the bomb shelter and have a calming circle so we can try again... or whatever... however, if you're afraid of small mammals, don't go there. Natalie's hamster was found, but he might have chased Miss Jenn around her office and now she's standing on her desk waiting for Mr. Mazzara and Natalie to get him. her. it," Carlos said in a rush then paused. he realized the awkward scene that was going on. Ricky had red and puffy eyes and had his hand on Ej's shoulder, who was visibly confused. the moment Carlos laid eyes on Ej's shoulder, Ricky took his hand from it as fast as he could.  
the three spent solid ten seconds only staring at each other, until Ricky got his backpack that was lying on the floor and began walking out of the bathroom.

  
"Just tell Miss Jenn I went home early, she'll know what I'm talking about," he faced them for one last time and walked out.

as he was walking through the hallways of East High, he heard a piano and a familiar voice coming from the empty music room. how could he ever forget that voice? he could recognize it even if he was lost in a sea of people, a voice that showed his way home. it was Nini. he totally forgot how weird things were between them, so he just subconsciously walked into the classroom as if it was nothing. Nini's gaze changed to him and he could see her body getting tense. then it all came to his mind again. they were scared of talking with each other. both a little scared, neither one prepared...

  
"hey, Nini..." Ricky said with a soft smile as he sat next to her on the piano chair.

  
"hey..." she said, sounding confused.

  
"what 'you' working on?" he asked, as both made eye contact and felt they could see each other's souls.

  
"just a song I wrote, it's not a big deal..."

  
"great, I wanna hear it," he said.

  
"you don't have to..." she sighed.

  
"actually, I do," Ricky spoke.

  
that's when she noticed. his messy hair, red puffy eyes, and a facial expression that looked like a sad puppy.  
"are you okay?" Nini asked, worried.

  
"whaaaat? yes! never better," he clearly lied and forced out a laugh.

  
"are you lying to me, Richard?" she frowned. Ricky nodded, she then scoffed.

  
"Ricky, since when do we lie to each other?"

  
"Sorry, okay? it's just that everything is... different, you know? we barely talk anymore, my parents are splitting up-"

  
"your parents are splitting up?! why didn't you tell me?!" Nini looked at him again, straight in the eyes.

  
"I didn't want to add up to... you know... all of this that's going on..." he spoke, his voice still maintaining the same low and soft tone.

  
"I broke up with Ej," she said, almost without displaying emotion.

  
silence engulfed the two. Nini was worried about Ricky, and Ricky was looking for something to tell her about her recent breakup.

  
"that sucks. sorry, Nini," he spoke, breaking the silence.

  
"no, it's okay. I got mad at him for taking my phone, so I decided to... end it up once and for all," she explained.

  
"and how are you dealing with it?"

  
"it's... kinda sad, but I'll get through it," she said, before falling into silence again.

  
"but enough about me... when did your parents tell you?"

  
"today... before school. that's why I arrived so late in rehearsal. before I left, my mom arrived. she had caught an earlier flight... then she and my dad began arguing about something. that's when she told me... she'll be moving to Chicago, and legally separating from my dad..." he said, in a soft and paused tone. Nini had her hand on his shoulder during the while time.

  
"and what did you do?"

"I just ran out of there... I guess that's all I do, you know? run away from things. some of the times were worth it... like today. but some other times... I-"

  
"hey, I'm not mad at you anymore... I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't tell me. remember that promise we made the first day that we met in kindergarten?"

  
"that we would be best friends forever and ever?" Ricky says, laughing a little from the many memories they made together.

  
"if our younger selves could see us right now-" Nini said.

  
"they'd hit us in the head with a frying pan," Ricky continued as both laughed, unconsciously holding hands and squeezing it. both looked down at their hands, and just sat there, in comfortable silence.

  
"we definitely had our days... but you're still my best friend, and nothing will ever change that, okay?" she said, holding her hand tighter to his.

  
"can we just... be in good terms with each other? I-I mean, not necessarily a couple... but best friends again?" Ricky asked.

  
"my question is, have we ever stopped being best friends?" she said. and for the first time since summer, they hugged. the familiar warmth of each other's bodies made them feel like home. like it felt right.

  
"I love you, Nini," Ricky said, as Nini looked him in the eyes and smiled.

  
"awww, you said it!" she answered.

  
"what can I say? it's true," he said as once again, silence engulfed them. they could feel each other's hearts almost beating out of their ribcages. and just like that, they connected their lips once again. damn, they dreamed about when this day would come since the day after they broke up. and finally, it happened. it felt like paradise.

  
"I thought we were just gonna be friends," Nini said, smiling.

  
"we can be friends with benefits," he smirked.

  
"i hate you, bowen," she said, laughing.

  
"well, that's not what you told me that night in your room," he laughed as she opened her mouth in 'shock' and playfully hit his shoulder.

  
"Richard Bowen, how dare you?"

  
"I missed you, Nina Salazar-Roberts," he said, holding her hand and standing up.

  
"I missed you too, freaky callback guy," she replied.

  
"Where are we going? I though Miss Jenn was mad and ended rehearsals early today?"

  
"oh, yeah. um, according to Carlos she wants us all to try again and 'have a calming circle' or something like that..." Ricky said as Nini laughed a little.

  
The moment both walked into the bomb shelter, they were greeted by Miss Jenn.]

  
"Ricky, feeling better?" the teacher asked, still concerned about him.

  
"Yes, I'm not missing rehearsal to go home... I'd rather stay here, if that's okay?" he said.

  
"That's okay, sweetie. But if you don't feel like it, just give me the sign, alright?" Miss Jenn reassured him. he opened a sad smile and mumbled a 'thank you'.

  
"Okay, theater people! We're doing 'Stick to the Status Quo'! Carlos, let's see the choreography you put on for our Ryan and our Sharpay," she said, turning to the other students.

  
During rehearsal, Ricky would constantly feel someone's glare at him, and unsurprisingly, it was Ej. The previous interaction between them was awkward, but it's not their fault. the first time they were alone in the same room was after Ricky accidentally hit a basketball on Ej's lip and went to apologize to him. Now two days later, there they were once again, but now it was Ricky the one who was hurt. well, not physically, but rather psychologically.

  
"look, I don't know if Ej is worried about me or he realized I'm in good terms with Nini and just decided he'll run me over with his car after school. I mean, my life is turning upside down and the only thing I'm sure of right now is that Ej Caswell hates me," Ricky says to the camera.

  
oh, boy.

  
"hey dude, where were you?" Big Red said, walking toward him.

  
"hey, red. um, it's... complicated."

  
"it's about your parents, right?"

  
"yep. I don't really know what to do."

  
"I'm sorry, dude. but hey, we can go skateboarding and then crash at my place, like always," Red suggests.

  
"sure, it's been a while since we don't have sleepovers, and I'm not planning to sleep at home anyways... thanks, Red."

  
"chill dude, now let's go over to Miss Jenn before she gets mad at us," Big Red replied as they made their way to where everyone was gathered.  
Miss Jenn saw them and asked them to join the circle. everyone was standing up, holding hands.

  
"So, theater people... our leading boy is having a very hard time today... but he chose to stay here and be with us, so the least we can do is to be there for him and send him good energies," Miss Jenn said, as everyone gave Ricky empathic looks.

  
the energy in the room shifted. not that the energy was bad, but the room was filled with positivity rather than chaotic energy everywhere. even EJ showed concern - or something remotely similar to that. Ricky was already feeling fragile due to the news his parents had told him, and could easily be overwhelmed by intense emotions, good or bad. and that was the case. he could feel tears forming in his eyes and his throat closing a little. his only rational thought at the moment was that he couldn't cry in front of everyone, and if he didn't act quickly, that would be happening soon.

  
"Thank you guys, really... I-I don't even know what to say," Ricky said as he slowly excused himself out of the room, overwhelmed by the intensity of the moment.And for the first time, ricky saw the drama kids as family. he never really felt it with his other skater friends, he only really felt it when he was with Nini.

  
Right after he left the room, Nini followed him. when they made eye contact, they hugged - and for the second time in less than three hours, Ricky cried.

damn, he was confused, broken and scared. he always thought that all of the arguing between his parents was 'normal, healthy couple stuff,' which it wasn't in most cases. he can't even count how many times his dad slept on the couch or his mom took an earlier flight to Chicago to avoid further conflict. he has the tendency to "have a shut down" when people are arguing loudly near him. most of the times he'll subconsciously hide behind large objects and cover his ears, hug pillows tightly or play with his fingers frantically, habits only Nini knows about.

both have been through so much, from the first time Ricky fled from his house and stayed at Nini's house for three days to the day her dad passed. he was a talented musician who fell in love with Dana when she was studying abroad in Paris, his name was Gustave. he taught Nini and Ricky how to play a lot of instruments, and even after Gustave and Dana got divorced and Carol entered the scene, they were still close friends and very fond of each other. Nini would proudly say she had three parents. but unfortunately, Nini's father succumbed to a respiratory illness. Nini was only 10 at the time. the last gift he ever gave her was a ukulele, which she still plays it.

  
They stayed there for a while, until they heard music playing inside the other room. they opened the door to see Seb and Carlos dancing 'bop to the top.' the choreographer was showing Rico the dance routine for the character Ryan during the song. both Carlos and Seb were smiling and laughing the whole time, and everyone could see the (obvious) sparks that they had with each other. as the song resolved, they hadn't missed a step. everyone cheered and Miss Jenn stood up.

  
"Okay, that's it for today! Drink water, go over your lines and meditate," she said as everyone grabbed their bags and left the room.

  
"Ricky, you didn't miss a beat. I'm so proud of you... stay strong, and if you need anything, you know where to find me," she told Ricky as he walked out. he smiled and shyly thanked her. she smiled and left.

  
maybe joining the musical wasn't such a bad idea. maybe the drama club is more than a bunch of weird teenagers. maybe they're family.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*


	2. homecoming day - part one

I shouldn't have stolen her phone. I shouldn't have been so self-absorbed. I should stop making everything about me.

I feel my chest getting heavier and gradually it gets hard to breathe. Oh no, it's happening again...  
I open my drawer and try to get some of my pills. My shaking hands make it look like I'm solving an impossible puzzle.  
After many attempts, I punch the wall in frustration. The pain helps me get into my senses again, although the surrounding floor is shaking. I try to open it again, and this time I actually open it and swallow two pills dry.  
I sit on the floor, back facing the walls as I close my eyes and feel my chest beating like thunder. A few minutes later, the pills make effects, slowing down my heart rate. I stand up and go wash my face, looking at my tear-stained face. I quickly wash it and feel my phone vibrating in my pocket.  
It's Gina, she told me to meet her at her house. I quickly get dressed and leave, stopping by Nini's house. I text her to see if she has a few minutes to talk, but I remember she blocked me. So I just drive away.

"Hey, I got your text," EJ said. he paused for a while before continuing. "yeah, I still want her back, more than anything. What's your plan?"

"You're taking me to the homecoming dance", Gina said in her usual confident tone.

"What?" EJ said, visibly confused and raising his voice to a tone that matched what he was feeling at the moment.

"Shh. don't ask questions," Gina shushed him. When she opened her mouth to say something, the lights at the porch flickered as a sign for Gina to go back inside, since it was late. She began pushing EJ to his car, as he looked even more confused. "sorry, my mother doesn't know you're here and she would find it weird that I was talking to a random boy at 11 o'clock in the night. Anyway, good night, see you at rehearsal," she said, making sure he got into his car and then walking into her house. She closed the door and sighed. She did not know what she was doing, but hopefully, it would cause Nini and Ricky to quit the musical.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

How long are you staying?

I'm not sure.

But at least until the end of the week...

I can't believe this is happening. My parents are officially getting a divorce and I can't help but feel this is all my fault. I thought of calling Nini for emotional support like I always do, but I didn't want to bother her - so I just laid down on my bed and let my thoughts slowly take over my mental sanity. I spent the entire day on the edge of a breakdown and cried twice at school, which isn't the best experience ever.  
When I got home after fleeing from Big Red's house, I cried a little more while I was in the shower, letting my tears go down the drain like the cold water running from the pipes... I wish my problems could go down the drain as well. I wish I could go to sleep, wake up and see that all of this that has been nothing but a nightmare and that my emotional stability is back to normal - not that it was normal before, it was less chaotic. I wish there was someone to fix me.  
I absolutely hate change, and my life has pretty much been turned upside down since I broke up with Nini. I literally got the leading role of the play even though I have zero experience with theater or arts, I had to see Nini and EJ being a cheesy couple for a long time until the whole drama with the phone - and the basketball to his face, which I still feel kinda bad about - and my parents. As much as I try to not think about it, it always circles back to their divorce. I'm scared. What if my mom gets full custody over me and I have to go to Chicago with her? I guess that means meeting new people all over again, which kinda makes me nervous to think about. I don't know, I just hope everything goes well...

I wake up with a big headache, probably from all the crying and sobbing of last night. Sighing, I look at my phone: it's 6:55. the bright light that the phone emits makes me feel more awake see the date and I remember: the homecoming dance is tonight, and I forgot to ask Nini.

"Shoot, I forgot," I say to myself as I climb out of my bed and go take a shower to start the day less miserable. As I go downstairs, I see my father is sleeping on the couch. Since I don't want to wake him up, I try to eat breakfast as quietly as possible and before I know it, I'm on my skateboard making my way to school, but not before stopping by the flower shop and buying some dahlias, Nini's favorite. I smile at the flowers, thinking of how happy she will be when I give them to her.  
I make it to school with little trouble and quickly head inside, looking for Nini. I see her walking in the hallway with Kourtney and sneak behind them.

Ricky puts covers Nini's eyes with one hand, holding the bouquet in the other.  
"Okay, who is it? Seb? Ashlyn? Kourt? wait nevermind, it can't be Kourt, she's literally beside me," she says.

"think a little harder, Neeners," Ricky says as she takes his hand off her face and holds it while turning around.

"Richard Bowen, what is all of this?" she says, surprised and grinning.

"well, I was wondering if you want to go to homecoming with me... wait, that's not right. Um... Nini, would you like to go to the homecoming dance tonight with me?" Ricky replied while getting all confused and making Nini laugh - and blush.

"wait for real? Yes!" she happily said as she held the bouquet and hugged him, giving him a quick peck on the lips. Kourtney was awkwardly standing there the whole time, but she didn't really mind though, she always knew both would get back together and become the cheesy couple that makes everyone else wish they had a significant other.

Little did they know EJ was watching everything, slightly disappointed and jealous. He almost felt his blood boil, but Ashlyn calling his name pushed him back to reality.

"Hey, EJ? earth to EJ! are you frozen, or something? Wow, you're not being annoying, try staying frozen more often," Ashlyn said as he bounced back from the state he was in. He quickly shrugged the jealousy off and gave his cousin a 'really?' look, to which she rolled her eyes and laughed a bit.

"Anyway, see you at rehearsal?" she said, and EJ nodded as Ashlyn entered her classroom and he made his way to his own. he did not know what to expect from this rehearsal.

"Okay, theater people!" Miss Jenn called everyone's attention. "since pretty much everyone in here is off book, why don't we do some improvising today, okay?" she said as everyone had their attention focused towards her, interested in the suggested activity. "Troy, Gabriella... Taylor... and Chad. come here," she said as Ricky, Nini, Gina, and EJ stood up and walked toward the stage. Everyone got quiet and turned the attention to the four awkward tension building up. Even Miss Jenn could feel the change in atmosphere, so she quickly added Miss Darbus and Sharpay into the scene.

"the context for this scene is: Chad is trying to make Troy quit singing so he can play basketball, Sharpay is trying to convince Ms. Darbus to not allow Troy and Gabriella to perform, and Taylor is trying to get Gabriella into thinking that boys are animals and she'd be better off with the decathlon team," Miss Jenn said as everyone stared at each other, some of them had their full attention toward the scene that was about to unfold.  
she stepped back and sat on her chair and took a sip from her coffee.  
"action!" Miss Jenn said as the six characters filled the room with loud and chaotic conversations, but everyone was really interested in seeing how 'Chad' and 'Troy' would act. They were tense the whole time and just kept staring at each other.

"Okay, let's work on some 'bro-chemistry' between Troy and Chad. we're doing the library scene, where Chad is trying to convince Troy to give up on singing... the one when Chad mentions the flawless Michael Crawford as the phantom of the opera... inside his mom's fridge... anyway, let's begin," she said before asking Ricky and EJ to open the script on the respective page.

"What spell has this elevated-IQ temptress girl cast that suddenly makes you want to be in a musical?" EJ said through gritted teeth. Ricky pretended not to notice and took a deep breath.

"Look, I just did it, who cares?" Ricky replied using the same tone of voice as Troy, in the movie.

"Who cares," EJ scoffed. "What about your loyal best friend?" he said sarcastically, taking a step forward.

"Quiet in here, Mr, Danforth," Miss Jenn said, reading the script and giving the cue to the boys to continue the scene.

"It's him, Miss Falsaff, not me," EJ replied to which Ricky rolled his eyes.

"Look, you're a hoops dude, not a musical singer person," EJ said as he took another step forward and raised his voice a little, probably referring more to Ricky joining the musical instead of just skating than to Troy. "Have you seen Michael Crawford on a cereal box?" he continued staring at Ricky, and Bowen pretended not to notice and stayed in character.

"Who's Michael Crawford?" Ricky said, this time him taking a step forward and staring at EJ, making him roll his eyes and snort angrily.

"Exactly my point, he was the Phantom of the Opera on Broadway, now my mom, she's seen that musical 27 times, and put Michael Crawford's picture in our refrigerator, yeah, not on it, in it," EJ says, even more annoyed. When Miss Jenn stopped to pay attention to them, they were less than a foot apart from each other and practically yelling.

"Woah, boys! Why don't we take a five, okay?" Miss Jenn said to the boys. Both nodded and walked opposite ways, but while they were still facing each other, EJ mumbled something under his breath. Ricky heard it, though, but decided he was sick of it.

"what? sorry, I couldn't hear you," Ricky said to EJ, surprising him.

"I said, why are you still here? you got what you wanted, just go home," EJ said walking towards Ricky. a tense atmosphere filled the bomb shelter as everyone looked at the scene, mouths dropped. Ricky stood shocked and could only scoff at the moment.

"dude, I thought we were over the whole arguing thing," the curly-haired boy replied walking toward EJ, who pushed him away.

"think again, Bowen," he snapped as he walked away from Ricky.

"What is wrong with you, EJ?" Ricky said.

"just stop hating each other and making everything turn into chaos! If it weren't for this 'rivalry' you two have with each other, we would have been so much advanced in rehearsals, it's frustrating, you know? Just quit it!" Nini finally got sick of their argument and yelled at them like an angry mother, positioning herself between the two boys as she stared at them, equally mad at both. Now everyone was even tenser.

"I don't remember this scene from High School Musical," Gina sarcastically whispered to Ashlyn, who was so focused on the fight that she ignored and just nodded.

When Ricky turned to EJ, the taller boy took a deep breath and walked out of the classroom. Everyone paused for a while to catch their breath.

"Someone should go check on him," Seb said innocently.

"no, let's just... give him some space. He's EJ, he does that all the time," Ashlyn said as everyone slowly drifted their attention to something else.

everyone sat down, and Ricky sat beside Nini.

"so... what was that all about? I'm pretty sure we had the situation under control," Ricky said to Nini.

"I'm not sorry for what I said, Ricky. I'm serious. You and EJ are going to apologize to each other and drop this whole rivalry thing you two have going on once and for all," Nini said. "who knows, you two could be good friends," she continued, to which Ricky scoffed and laughed.

"girl, when you create a world you really live in it," he said to which Nini playfully finger flicked his ear.

"you know I want the best for you, right?" she said.

"if you want the best for me, why did you finger flick me? and when did you get so strong?" Ricky jokingly said.

"well, let's say some exercises at the theater camp involved a punching bag and a pair of gloves," Nini replied to which Ricky showed a surprising reaction.

"We have a lot to catch up on," Ricky said.

"Yeah, we do," she replied as the alarm rang. Both of them got their backpacks and walked to the school's exit.  
"so, see you at the dance?"

"Actually, I was hoping you could help me out with picking a suit for tonight... I was thinking the mall?" Ricky said, walking towards her.

"Yeah, sure. can Kourtney come with us?"

"Totally, I'll call Big Red to see if he wants to come with us," Ricky said. "we need a ride, though," he continued as Nini took his hand and walked him through the parking lot, stopping next to a silver-colored car.

"totally forgot to mention that I can drive now," Nini said, proudly.

"what? you're kidding, right?"

"no, I'm not," she said as she showed him her license. "got it last week, come on,"

"How did Mama C allow you to take her car?" Ricky asked.

"Good question. I don't know either," she laughed as Nini drove to Kourtney's house, picking her up and then going to Big Red's house, picking him too. After that, they went straight to the mall.

with the help of Nini and Kourtney, Ricky picked a gray suit, a white shirt, and white shoes, and Big Red went shopping for new clothes while the girls were choosing the suit for Ricky, then they met at the food court.  
They were going to the line of one restaurant when they stumbled upon five familiar faces: Seb, Carlos, Ashlyn, EJ, and Gina. everyone spoke to each other, but Ricky and EJ ignored each other's presence. Nini hit Ricky with her elbow, signaling that he had to talk to the older boy. So Ricky and EJ shared an awkward handshake, with both rolling their eyes afterward. Nini smiled proudly at Ricky, making him roll his eyes and chuckle a little. The nine sat at the same table, eating and laughing.  
It was like everyone was having a good time with everyone, but with Ricky and EJ, there was a wall between them. The only time they acknowledged each other was through the handshake. Nini wanted them to become friends, so as the whole theater club. The constant tension that the other students subconsciously shared when the two boys were doing a scene together was getting unbearable at that point, and everyone knew it, but no one said a word to each other about it.

"girls meet up at the bathroom," Nini said as all the girls left the table, leaving the boys on their own. Big Red was still in the line so it was only Carlos, Seb, Ricky, and EJ. since Carlos and Seb are a couple. Both just kept talking to each other. Ricky pretended he didn't notice he was pretty much alone at the table, and the only person to talk to being EJ. he continued eating and occasionally checking memes on his phone.

"oh boy, where are the girls? SOS," Ricky thought to himself.

"you know you said that out loud, right?" EJ interrupted him from his thoughts. Ricky looked at him and felt his cheeks heating in embarrassment. As soon as this happened, Big Red arrived, making Ricky shift his focus.

"We need to make Ricky and EJ stop arguing," Nini said.

"How are we going to do this? These two boys act like wild animals when they're near each other," Kourtney replied.

"what if we tie them to a chair and make them talk to each other and be on good terms?" Gina suggested, to which the girls chuckled in response.

"I vote for that, but without tying them, it's creepy," Ashlyn said.

"We can talk to Miss Jenn and make her schedule a 'rehearsal' and have us all there," Kourtney said. "and then..."

"we say they're only getting out of the bomb shelter when they figure out whatever they have going on," Gina replied, giving Kourtney a high-five.

"so, does everyone agree with the plan?" Nini said, and all the girls nodded. They walked out of the bathroom and joined the boys. They chatted for a while, walked through the mall, had ice cream until everyone went their separate ways.

"it's so crazy that a few years ago you would walk everywhere and now you can drive, and you can drive up to my house," Ricky said, booping Nini's nose, making her blush. They looked at his driveway, with Nini's car parked in front of Ricky's house.

"wow, so many memories," Ricky said.

"right? I remember when you tried to teach me how to skate, and I ended up falling and landing on the grass," Nini said as she chuckled. "my knees were a bit hurt, but you almost cried because you thought it was your fault and kept apologizing for weeks,"

"I remember that, and I still feel kinda guilty about it," Ricky said. "remember when we were having a rock-throwing competition, and you threw a rock so high we couldn't see where it went, and then it landed on me? I'll never forget you panicking after I pretended to have passed out. It was hilarious," he continued. After that, both fell into a comfortable silence, before Ricky checked his phone to see what time it was: 5 PM.

"it's already five! shoot," Ricky said as Nini widened her eyes and got her phone.

"language!" Nini said as Ricky opened the passenger door and stood next to the car on the sidewalk.

"See you at Homecoming?" Ricky asked as she nodded and waved him goodbye, while she made her way to her house.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ


	3. homecoming day - part two

Nini drops Ricky at his house and waits for him to get in. when he goes through the front door, she drives away.  
When ricky gets home, he can already hear his parents arguing about something; apparently, his mom wants Ricky to keep visiting her at Chicago, even if that meant him missing rehearsals.

"Lynne, Ricky would be mad if he had to miss rehearsals, and you know that. you know how much it means to him, and we have to support him," Mike said.

"why is he even part of this play? is he... you know..." Lynne said, making a stereotypical hand gesture to represent the word 'queer.' Mike scoffed and put his hands on his face while sarcastically laughing.

"that's the problem: you're so absent from his life that you don't even know if he's straight or not!" his dad replies. "and whether he is or not, it doesn't matter! it's his business and we don't get to tell him who to be, right?" Mike said.

"yeah..." Lynne replied.

"good, now let's just order something for him for when he gets home, he must be having a hard time dealing with all of this," Mike said, lowering his voice.

"I just hope he's okay," Lynne said, trying to fight back tears.

"I know, me too," Mike replied, pulling her to a hug.

Ricky heard all of this argument, and although he was literally standing at the front door, his parents didn't notice that he was home. he quickly got upstairs, making sure to stomp the steps to make sure his parents knew he was around. both Mike and Lynne followed him to the beginning of the stairwell, calling for him.

"honey, we didn't know you were home..." Lynne said. "if you need to talk, we're here for you, okay?"

"nevermind, I'm not in the mood. I'll get dressed for homecoming and you guys should spend time with each other before you leave," Ricky replied, not waiting for a response and continuing his way to his bedroom, slamming the door shut. he felt his throat closing and tears threatening to fall. taking a deep breath, he just let his emotions flow and cried.  
after solid 20 minutes of pure confusion and emotional breakdown, he took a shower and dressed up for homecoming - and took about twenty mirror selfies to show off his new suit. the hot water and the suit helped him gain enough confidence to make him feel better by the time Nini called him.

"Hey, Nini! are you ready?" Ricky answered the phone.

"actually, I'm already in front of your house and my moms want to take pictures of us," Nini replied, chuckling a bit.

"on my way," he said as he hung up and ran downstairs. his parents were watching a reality show at the living room and were caught by surprise by their smiling son in a suit.

"wait up, let me take a picture of you!" Lynne stopped him as she grabbed her phone and took a few photos of him. "Mike, come take a photo with our son," she said as he stood up and the three took a selfie. "have fun, my dear," Lynne said as Ricky hugged both and made his way to the front door.

Nini's mothers took an awful lot of pictures of the duo and before they knew it, they were at the school's entrance. they walked holding hands and shared a kiss before entering the building. they quickly found the table that the drama kids were at and made their way there.

"You two are the most adorable couple ever," Carlos said, oblivious to what it made both Ricky and Nini realize. they were acting like a couple and they didn't even notice that they were, until Carlos pointed out. they just looked at each other with wide eyes and awkwardly laughed.

"w-we're not! you and seb are way more adorable," Nini said, to which Carlos began blushing, making it all even more awkward.

"hey guys, are these seats taken?" Gina said from behind them. she was with EJ. she quickly realized how awkward everything was. "is everything okay here?" Gina asked, to which Nini, Ricky and Carlos laughed nervously.

"let's get something to drink," Nini said to Ricky as both left the table.

"okay so that was awkward," Ricky said.

"yeah," Nini replied. "but about what Carlos said... are we still a couple?"

"I-I don't know... but everyone thinks we are," he replied. "can we take a quick pause on this conversation?"

"yeah, sure, for what?" Nini replied as a pair of lips met hers.

"for this," Ricky said as she blushed. "I love you so much," he continued as he held her hands.

"I love you too," she replied as they chuckled and got their drinks. when they got to the table, only Ashlyn, Big Red and Carlos were there.

"I'm sure he'll be here, maybe he just had a farming accident," Ashlyn said, comforting Carlos, who had a disappointed face.

"Hey, are you okay?" Nini said.

"Seb didn't come," Carlos replied.

"oh, I'm sorry for that. I'm sure he'll show up," she replied as Ricky nodded in agreement.

"yeah, exactly, he'll show up, don't worry about it man. and if he doesn't, you can hang out with us," Ricky said, giving a sympathetic smile to Carlos and holding his shoulder.

"thank you guys so much. you all can go somewhere else if you want to, you don't need to be here as I have a existencial crisis," Carlos said.

"are you kidding? why would we leave you like this?" Big Red said to him.

when Carlos was about to open his mouth, some commotion caught the group's attention. they looked at the direction of what seemed to be some people gathered around in a circle. in the center, Gina and EJ were arguing about something, until Gina poured a drink on his head. she walked away as the people around laughed at the scene, specially at EJ. some of them had their phones filming everything, which made it even more humiliating. EJ walked straight to the bathroom.

"so, I'm going to get something to drink," Big Red said as he left with Ashlyn.

"someone should check up on him," Carlos said, as Nini looked at Ricky.

"what? no! why me?" he said.

"just go, Richard," Nini insisted as he sighed deeply.

"Okay, I'll go. but, I'll have my revenge," Ricky said as Nini began pushing him toward the bathroom.

"yeah, yeah, I'm so scared right now, just go, and if you need anything me and Carlos will be rocking on the dance floor," she replied as he rolled his eyes and walked toward the bathroom.

after being humiliated, I got into the bathroom. the music that before was so loud is now lower. I can still hear the people laughing and just chatting normally. my chest tightened and I couldn't even breathe. tears threatened to fall - but not as quick as the sweat that was dripping down my forehead, and the drink Gina poured over my head. I can't believe I agreed to blindly follow her plan. sure, homecoming was fun before the argument with Gina and the drink poured on my head in front of the whole school, but now it's just chaos inside my head plus the loud music outside. I tried to control my breathing but unsurprisingly, it was useless. once my freak out began, it refused to go away. I silently screamed for help - although even if I actually shouted, it would be muffled by the loud music and the people outside, so it would be pretty much useless.

"EJ? are you here?" Ricky says, opening the door to the bathroom.

"why did you go after me? what do you even want from me?" EJ said in a shaky voice, using some paper as an attempt to dry himself.

"j-just wanted to check to see if you were okay," Ricky replied, softening his voice.

"yeah, I-I am okay? y-you can l-leave now!" the taller boy exclaimed as his hyperventilation increased.

"woah, calm down," Ricky said walking towards him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "try to take deep breaths,"

"get aw-way from me, B-bowen," EJ replied trying to push the curly haired boy away from him. All he could see afterwards was that Ricky was trying to help him slow down his heart rate, but he couldn't hear it due to the ringing in his ears along with a few tears falling down his face as he did whatever he could to calm himself down. he eventually calmed down.

"I-I'm sorry for what happened," Ricky said to EJ as both sat down on the bathroom floor, backs facing the wall.

"why do you even care?" EJ snapped back.

"because you just had a panic attack. I-I have those too, it sucks having them when you're all by yourself," Ricky then paused. "listen, I know we're not exactly fond of each other, but i-i hate seeing other people suffer,"

"you didn't have to. you should've just minded your own business," he quickly answered before sighing.

"and leave you alone here while you were having an almost breakdown? I'm not that much of a jerk, you know," Ricky replied. EJ was slowly returning to his normal self.

"if you tell anyone about this, you're dead," EJ said to him with a threatening tone.

"why would I tell anyone?" Ricky scoffed.

"because it's embarrassing," EJ replied.

"it's not embarrassing, stop thinking it is. panic attacks are literally just a way the body reacts to stress," Ricky replied. he cleared his throat before standing up and continuing. "anyway, I'll go back to the dance... before anyone notices," he said as EJ nodded. with that he walked away, not looking back and leaving EJ by himself.

"so, did you find him?" Nini asked.

"no, actually. I called for him but he either ignored me or wasn't there," Ricky lied, but Nini thought he was saying the truth. even him wished that was the truth, he really didn't expect to help his archenemy during a panic attack.

as people danced - and the hours passed - the party began to die down, and no one had news from EJ. he was missing since Gina poured the drink over his head, so the group assumed he got sick of humiliation and drove home, but his car was still in the parking lot - according to Ashlyn.  
suddenly, the door to the gym opens, revealing part of the water-polo team - and EJ. as soon as they began walking, everyone noticed they were finding it hard to balance themselves, almost always stumbling forward or colliding with each other - all of that while laughing like they were having the time of their lives.  
Ashlyn quickly walked to EJ, with a frown on her face and arms crossed.

"where have you been? everyone's been worried sick about you!" Ashlyn said.

"i-it's o-okay, Ash," he replied, stretching the 'h' of her name. he chuckled before continuing, Ashlyn was so mad at him she didn't even blink. "i-it's not my fault, ok-kay? S-someone spiked the punch, a-alright?"

"you've been missing for two hours, don't 'someone spiked the punch' me!" Ashlyn replied raising her voice. "and besides, where did you get the alcohol? I thought you quit drinking, after all we've talked about," she said, now whisper yelling.

"I'm s-sorry, okay?" EJ answered, raising his hands. "I had a r-relapse, okay? jeez," he continued.

"hm," Ashlyn answered to him as she turned around to face the rest of the group. Ricky, Nini, Seb, Carlos, Big Red, Kourtney and Gina were all surprised by the sight of a drunk EJ.

"I need someone who knows how to drive and two people to help me get him in the car, there's no way I'll let him here in this condition," Ashlyn said to which Big Red quickly got up and joined her.

"I can drive," Nini said as she got up.

"okay, only one person left," Ashlyn said as she glanced at everyone at the table. no one even moved, everyone just kept sharing glances in silence - other than the music and the sound of EJ laughing hysterically at his teammates, who were sneaking behind people and screaming then running away.

"o-okay, I think it'll work out with one person less," Ashlyn said while making her way to EJ, so as Nini and Big Red.

"screw it, I'll go," the curly haired boy stood up and followed them, earning surprised glances from them.

"Hey, EJ, come on, let's go home," Ashlyn said as she guided him through the gym. "he's too strong and he's literally a few steps away from falling, can you guys help him while I look for his keys?" she said, looking at Ricky and Big Red, the two boys nodded and put EJ's arms around their shoulders as Ashlyn gets his car keys.  
they all walked to EJ's land rover and left him on the backseat; Red and Ashlyn with him as Nini was on the driver's seat and Ricky on the passenger seat. from there, they began the drive to EJ's house.

"hey, c-can we stop at Wen-ndy's?" EJ said, stretching the 's'.

"that sounds like a good idea to me," Big Red said as all of the sober ones stared at him and EJ stared at the ceiling laughing. "what?" he said as everyone gave him a 'really?' look and turned their attention back to the road.

"this is boring, c-can we do something f-fun like going t-to the zoo?" EJ said.

"if I had to spend my day watching a bunch of animals screaming at each other I'd go to school," Ashlyn replied sarcastically.

"y-you know they filmed that h-high school musical m-movie there, right?" EJ said.

"oh really? 'cuz I thought we were having sister act as our fall musical," Ashlyn said, continuing with the sarcasm.

"simply iconic," Nini commented as she kept her eyes on the road.

For a few minutes, EJ was quiet. when Ashlyn turned to look at him he was asleep.

"guys, EJ's asleep, I think we'll have to carry him," Ashlyn said as everyone grunted. she took his phone out of his pocket and began taking pictures of EJ sleeping, EJ and Big Red, Ricky, Nini, and a bunch of selfies.

"and that's for making us leave homecoming early," Ashlyn said laughing to EJ, even though he was asleep.  
after that they just drove in silence, occasionally chatting about something until they arrived at EJ's house. Nini parked on the driveway and quickly opened the backseat doors.

"um, o-okay... how are we going to carry him?" Nini asked, as the two girls looked at Ricky and Big Red.

"you take the legs and I take the arms," Ricky said to Big Red, who sighed. they began carrying EJ to the couch - there was no way they would carry him all the way to his bedroom.  
they were with EJ on their arms when they heard laughter, he had woken up from his drunk nap.

"a-are you guys t-trying to get rid of my body or something?" EJ said while laughing awfully,

"dude, close your mouth, your breath stinks," Ricky said.

"hey, if it's not the one and only R-Richard Bowen, who stole my role in t-the play, and my g-girlfriend," EJ said to Ricky as everyone else got tense.

"you stole her phone, so I guess we're even," Ricky replied sarcastically.

"y-you d-don't know me, y-you don't know what it's like to be i-insecure ab-bout everything!" EJ replied, trying to get off the grasp of the two boys.

"hey, calm down, it's okay, I'm sorry," Ricky said.

"y-you k-know you're not s-sorry!" EJ said.  
everyone looked at each other awkwardly, not knowing what to do. "and also, I c-can w-walk, no need to c-carry me or whatever," he continued, quickly freeing himself from the two boys and falling to the ground.

"now I see why he's the co-captain of the water-polo team," Big Red said as everyone waited for EJ to stand up.

when EJ stood up, he began walking by himself to the couch, but began to stumble and soon enough, Ricky and Red were with EJ's arms around their shoulders and guiding him to the couch, with him still mumbling under his breath. in the end, they put him on the couch, removed his shoes and put a bucket next to him, just in case.

"so, how are we going home?" Ricky said to Nini.

"I-I don't know... let's order an uber. I'll warn Ashlyn, hold on," she said, walking towards her, while Ricky opened his phone and ordered the uber.

"hey, me, Ricky and Big Red are going home... is that okay? will you need any help?" Nini said.

"no, y-you can go if you want to," Ashlyn replied.

"hey... um... a-about what EJ said... about him being 'insecure about everything', did you... know about that?" Nini asked.

"I mean... yeah. like, he hates talking about his feelings, but... he has anxiety and all since he was little... I'm the younger cousin but I learned how to help people during... you know... panic attacks, and such," Ashlyn said.

"yeah, Ricky's got them too... I know how hard it is to see someone you love," Nini replied. "but hey, maybe they could help each other... if they didn't hate one another," she continued.

"EJ will probably hate him less after this, but who knows?" Ashlyn replied as both hugged as the uber arrived. she said goodbye to Ricky and Red as the three entered the car.

"today was... eventful," Ricky finally broke the silence.

"definitely not a beauty and the beast ballroom moment, but it was worth it," Nini replied.

"I had fun," Ricky said.

"me too," Nini said as she gave ricky a peck on the lips.

"yeah, I had fun too," Big Red says as both begin laughing. "what?" he asks, confused.

"dude, read the room," Ricky says as he and Nini laugh even harder.

"I had fun," Nini said, while facetiming with Ricky

"me too," Ricky said. "so, about tonight..."

"yeah, I was hoping you'd forget it," Nini forced out a laugh.

"so... are we... a couple again?" Ricky asked, to which Nini replied with a pause.

"I-I don't know... I really love you, but we both know that we are better off as best friends, right?" Nini said.

"I don't know... everything's weird right now," Ricky said, sighing. "look... I still like you, a lot - a-and you like me... too. why don't we give one more chance to our relationship and just let it flow?"

"sounds like a plan to me," she replied, before being interrupted by her phone ringing. "Kourtney's calling me, talk to you later?"

"sure, good night neeners," Ricky said as he hung up

"hey, Kourt," Nini said.

"so... do you have anything you'd like to tell me?" Kourtney replied, with a smile.

"so... me and Ricky might be a couple again..." said Nini.

"wait, what? are you joking right now?"

"no, I'm not! we got back together... today,"

"okay, but if he breaks your heart again this curly haired boy better be ready for my fist-"

"Kourt! but we talked about it, actually... you know he has a hard time saying... like, the 'l word,' because of his parents and such... and now they're splitting up, and i don't know what to do to help him," Nini sighed.

"just be there for him, okay? I'm pretty sure you're all that he needs right now. girl, I'm not that close to him as you are, but I can see just how much he loves you, so please be there for him, your presence is enough," Kourtney said.

"didn't expect this call to become a pep talk but I like the encouragement," Nini said chuckling. "you wanna hang out tomorrow? we could watch that movie about a father who had his children and wife murdered, and when the only surviving son gets kidnapped he travels the world with a problematic woman-"

"woah! no, too dark,"

"but you love Finding Nemo,"

"Nini, I-" Kourtney says as she hears her mom calling her. "my mom's calling me, talk to you later, good night bestie," she says as she hangs up.

Nini looks around her room and finds her keyboard, putting it on her bed and making sure to put the volume down to one. she goes through her phone and finds the song she wrote on her notes. she puts her phone next to her and plays, while singing low.

"all i want is love that lasts, is all I want too much to ask, is it something wrong with me? all I want is a good guy, are my expectations dar too high? try my best but what can I say, all I have is myself in the end of the day... and all I want is for that to be okay," she ends the song with a sigh, puts her keyboard away and just lays down, quickly falling asleep.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:


	4. memories that haunt.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

that was a weird experience, to say the least. I never thought I'd see my nemesis completely drunk and all smiles - I mean, what surprised me the most was that he could smile and didn't have a frown in his face 24/7. I kinda felt bad for him when he said that he was insecure about everything - specially after seeing the panic attack he had during homecoming. honestly, when I got to the bathroom and he was already panicking, it sent me chills to see a person that oozed confidence looking so lost and scared. but hey, we all have our weak moments.

speaking of which, after Nini hung up, I went downstairs to get some water and my parents were watching something on TV, it made my heart stop for a while. it was like nothing happened at all, I felt like I was a kid again - naive about everything. I slowly went upstairs, closed my bedroom door and - as you may have guessed - cried.

although my parents were far from perfect back in the day, they always argued when I was asleep or at school. there were days when I couldn't sleep and just watched everything, hiding behind something.  
I had my first panic attack at the age of seven, when my parents were having a heated argument while I was in bed, crying my eyes out - until I opened a hole on my bedroom window throwing a baseball ball against it, in a attempt to make them stop arguing. luckily, all of the glass shards fell to the ground below - and the noise of breaking glass definitely got their attention. they went upstairs running and saw me laid down on the floor, crying and hyperventilating. after that, I had to go a therapist.

when I was 13, my therapist diagnosed me with anxiety and depression. it was a hard pill to swallow at first, but as time goes, you learn to live with it. I never told anyone about it other than Nini and Big Red - the therapist told my parents so it wasn't needed. they tried to argue less, but it didn't last long. soon enough, it was all back to normal.

I have many regrets in my life, but one of the biggest of then was allowing the razor to write the sad story about a teenage boy, using my skin as a canvas. no one knows about it, other than Nini and Kourtney - and I wasn't even going to tell them, but Nini noticed me using long sleeves too many times during summer and simply lifted the sleeve up while I was distracted. the way their faces went pale still haunts me to this day. I promised them I'd never do it again, but I still break the promise regularly, more than I'd like to.

I don't know, I just wish I had someone to fix me.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

I feel my throat burn as I swallow the liquid. I sigh and throw the bottle in the trash can next to me as I'm sitting on a bench at a random park in the city. honestly, I don't even know what I'm doing with my life, but who cares? my parents never really care about me - they're too busy trying to live up to the family's prestigious reputation, so Ashlyn is pretty much the only family I have on a regular basis. my water-polo teammates were the ones who introduced me to drinking, they said it would make me forget about my problems - and it does, until you wake up not knowing where you're at and with a terrible headache. Ash gets really mad at me when I get drunk, because she made me promise her I'd quit drinking and get help with my anxiety - but if that was the case, I wouldn't be all by myself sitting on a bench and talking to a trash can. whatever, I'll just order an uber and go home.  
it's been two days since the homecoming incident and Ashlyn hasn't talked to me since. last thing I remember was waking up with a headache sent from hell, and she told me that 'it better not happen again' and left. well, guess what's happening now? pretty much the same occasion except I'm all alone and the sun's still out. I'm pretty sure that Nini is still mad at me for taking her phone - which she has all the right to be angry, I just wish she would talk to me, even if as a friend. speaking of which, no one knows if she's back with Ricky, but I honestly couldn't be less interested in knowing what these two have. sure, he's Nini's best friend, but that doesn't mean I have to like him. he threw a basketball on my face and I was rude to him since the beginning, so I guess we're even. but part of me also wants to know him better before I decide once and for all that I hate him. we started on the left foot, but that doesn't mea- wait, what am I even thinking about? he hates me, I hate him, and that's it. he only helped me during my panic attack so he wouldn't be a total a-hole, just like when he and Big Red carried me to the couch while I was drunk. it was a one time thing and we'll just continue our lives.

when I get home, I leave the uber and enter my house, going upstairs, walking and stumbling - until a voice calling from the kitchen stops me.

"EJ, is that you?" the voice calls me.  
I go downstairs - trying to act as sober as possible - and see from who the voice is coming from.

"h-hey, mom," I reply.

"where were you've been? Aunt Debbie called me... she said she overheard Ashlyn saying that you got drunk during the school dance," she said, arms crossed. "since when do you drink, EJ?"

I sighed deeply. I'm so screwed.  
"i-it was a one time thing, mom. I w-won't do it again," I said walking towards her.

"well, your breath and the way you walk tells me otherwise," she replied coldly. "you know how much of a reputation our family has, including you. I don't think the coach would like to know that one of his best players gets drunk and lies to his own mother about it," she continued.

"but mo-"

"you're grounded. I won't allow my son to be an alcoholic, do you understand?"

I took a deep breath and nodded, going to my room afterwards. I calmly close and lock the door - or else she'd yell at me for slamming it shut - and just let my emotions overwhelm me. the pressure they put on my shoulders is unbearable. every time they're around, I tend to be more stressed and have a shut down. they always wanted me to be the role model for all the kids in my school, most of the times caring more about their reputation than my own mental health. a lot of people think that I'm a perfect person, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. I began working in a restaurant so I could pay for my therapy sessions, since they wouldn't be happy to see that the money they give me every month was spent on counseling. they're never home, but when they are, they are fighting or drinking. I'm pretty sure they're only a couple because it brings money to the Caswells and to my father's family, making a divorce inconvenient. I really can't remember the last time me and my parents were together and didn't argue or yell a me for some reason. I only ever talked about it with Ashlyn and the therapist, I never even considered telling my water-polo teammates about it. we have a pretty superficial 'friendship,' it's not like we tell each other stuff about our lives - we only ever talk about sports and future games. I don't know to what college they wanna go or if they have any pets. we only ever talk because we're on the same team, and that's it.

I must have cried so much that I fell asleep. when I woke up, it was getting dark outside, around dusk. I go downstairs to get something to eat, when I see a note with my mom's handwriting. it's basically the grocery list with a warning that she had to leave to work and won't be back for a while. oh wow, breaking news (note the sarcasm) and I can't leave the house. I scoff. she grounds me and simply leaves to work for a few days. I go upstairs and put on some basic clothes, and decide to go to the coffee shop. when I'm about to open the door, I see that the security alarm is on. I quickly put the password and disarm it, or else the opening door would trigger a deafening siren. I open the door, the cold wind blows against my face giving me shivers, I get into my car and before I know it, I'm parking next to the building.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

when EJ opens the door, he sees Nini, Kourtney, Carlos, Seb, Gina and Ashlyn at a large table. all of them stop and look at him.

"damn boy, you look like hell," Kourtney said, almost whispering.

"hey... guys," EJ finally said.

"we thought you wouldn't come," Seb said.

"wait, what?" EJ asked, confused.

"y-you didn't see the groupchat?" the blonde boy said.

"nope, my phone's dead," the taller boy replied.

"oh," he stopped for a moment. "we're having a small cast hangout... c-come sit with us," Seb said, standing up and getting a chair for EJ to sit.  
they were talking about random stuff until EJ's car alarm began ringing. he sighed and left the table to turn it off. when he was about to open the door, someone was doing the same thing. both were face to face, inches away from each other, making them jump.

"I'm s-sorr- EJ?" a familiar voice said, as he made eye contact with the person.

"Ricky? what the heck?" EJ replied with a frown on his face, not breaking eye contact with him.

both stood there for a moment, as if time froze. the two were catching their breaths, their hearts almost pounding out of their ribcage. the cold weather gave Ricky's cheeks and nose a pink color. looking at his brown eyes had a weird effect on him, they were almost... hypnotizing. both got lost at how much pain the other carried in their eyes, giving a sense of mystery and surrealism. they could see each other's eyes shine, emitting a melancholic and lost aura, like they didn't know what they were doing to their lives. both wondered if that sensation was mutual.

"hey, EJ," Big Red greeted him from behind Ricky, snapping out of his trance.

"h-hey, Red," EJ greeted.

"y-your car alarm is ringing," he said, to which EJ widened his eyes and remembered why he left the shop in the first place.

"o-oh, thank you for warning," EJ replied, quickly walking away and bumping Ricky on the shoulder as he went. he turned the alarm off and went back to the coffee shop.

"EJ, let's go order something with me," Ashlyn said, glaring at him. he stood up and walked with her away from the other people.

"are you okay? you look like hell,"

"wow, thanks Ash, that really helps my self steem," he remarked sarcastically.

"I'm serious, EJ. I'm worried about you," Ashlyn replied as he sighed.

"well, mom was back in the house for a while, she saw me drunk-"

"wait, were you drinking??"

"yeah, but that's not the point. she saw it and told the same thing about reputation and all, and apparently I'm now an alcoholic. that's just wonderful," he scoffed before continuing. "and she mentioned that aunt debby overheard you talking to someone about what happened during homecoming," he said, squinting his eyes at Ashlyn.

"I-I'm sorry. I was telling Nini about what happened when they left,"

"wait, she asked about me?"

"yes, but that doesn't mean anything! she's still with Ricky, did you forget?"

"hold up your horses, Ash. I won't try anything," he said, raising his arms in defense.

"oh, really?"

"yep, I promise" he said, and after that, his cousin began studying his face.

"EJ?"

"yes?"

"were you crying?"

"what? n-no, why would you even ask that?"

"are you high?"

"what? no!" he exclaimed.

"why are your eyes red?"

"mom," EJ said.

"oh. did she only yell at you? or did she... you know..."

"there's no one around, you can say hit," EJ snapped back.

"sorry... but, did she?"

"not this time... thankfully it wasn't my dad, though... he'll be staying at Saudi Arabia for a few weeks, then Singapore, Tokyo, Shanghai... I hope mom didn't tell him about the homecoming incident... but if she did, I hope he forgets by the time he gets home, "

"yeah... I'm sorry. if you need anything... you know where the house keys are hidden, right?" she says as EJ's eyes form a few tears. "hey, it's okay," Ashlyn says as she hugs EJ. he takes a deep breath and nods before rejoining the crew at the table, which they give him sympathetic looks. they didn't know what was going on, but they knew he wasn't okay, it was kind of obvious... the only person who was close enough to EJ to know what he was going through was Ashlyn, and everyone was curious: what was making EJ Caswell so emotional?

the theater kids were chatting about everything that came across their minds, but EJ was with his head on the clouds. turns out he wasn't the only one.

Ricky had a lost look on his face, his brown eyes looking everywhere but at the same time, they were lost - as if he was trying to find himself among the people. he missed his old version, the happy-go-lucky person who could always light up a room whenever he walked in. now, all of that joy faded away like the warmth of summer when fall begins. he used to be like a colorful spring, but now he's the coldest, most lifeless winter.  
he noticed the many looks the gang gave him, but he was to exhausted to even care. he quickly excused himself and went to the bathroom to wash his face. he looked at the mirror and saw his own reflection. his hair was messy and thrown at every possible angle, his eyes were red and puffy from the tears, and the emptiness within almost drained the brown color of it. he got into a stall, closed his eyes and let the tears flow. if it wasn't for a fact that he was in a public bathroom, he'd be sobbing really loud as if he was trying to remove all the pain from him - but it would be embarrassing to do in a coffee shop, so his breakdown was reduced to sniffing and shaky breaths.  
he didn't even notice that someone was looking for him until he heard knocking on the door.

"Ricky? hey, um... are you okay?" the voice calls him softly, to which he tries his best to hide the fact that he was crying. he stood up and took a deep breath.

"H-hey, Seb" he said, slightly surprised, as he opened the door to see the blonde boy, with his voice still shaky. "n-not really... but I'll be,"

"look, Ricky... um, I know we're not super close and all, but I care about you... and if you need anything, just let me know, okay?"

"thank you so much, Seb," he says as he hugs the blonde boy and sniffs a bit. he takes a deep breath again. "but why did you come here a-after me?"

"everyone's wondering if everything's alright with you, and I went here to check," he said. "take your time... they're worried about you," Seb said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "if you want, I can tell them not to ask you if you're okay... or ask questions about it,"

"I'd really appreciate it... thank you again, seb, you're the best,"

"anytime, Ricky... anything for a good friend," Seb said as he walked out of the bathroom and sat down to the table.

"so, is he okay?" Nini asked.

"not really, but he doesn't want to talk about it, so let's all just give him some space," the blonde boy said as everyone nodded in agreement.

when Ricky finally got out of the bathroom, everyone stopped talking and looked at him. he noticed the shift in the atmosphere and quickly cleared his throat.

"sorry, I hate to be a downer. I-I'll just leave," Ricky said, getting out of the shop and ignoring the calls of his friends. he gets his skateboard and just goes as fast as he can... away from there, from everyone, from his home, from his parents, from everything...

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

he sat on a bench, looking for a way home. he was lost. it was well past 9 and there were already less cars circulating the town. he didn't know if he was still in Salt Lake City or not. he just watches the way the asphalt reflect the lights of the cars, the way that tiny rocks are thrown around by the tires, how streetlights provide a almost purple lighting creating an almost supernatural atmosphere, as if the world has changed at the time he ran away from the coffee shop. he was so lost, so scared, alone and broken... he thought to himself that he couldn't take it anymore, he couldn't take the huge wave of sadness that was about to wash him away. so he let the wave crash through his body and soul and just let all of that sadness out in the form of sobbing. there he was, sitting on a bench at an unknown area of the city, alone and with a million thoughts running through his head. his own thoughts left him distracted enough to not notice that a car parked in front of him. he only realized when he heard the deafening horn. with that, he looked up and looked at the car. the driver quickly got out of the car and ran towards him, kneeling down in front of the crying boy.

"Ricky, what the hell are you doing here?" the voice asked, then the person realized that he was crying. "hey, look at me," the voice said as the curled boy looked at whoever was saying that.

"Nini? how did you find me?"

"you have your live location on your snapchat, I told you not to turn it off 'cuz it would be useful someday-" she trailed off as he looked at her, with eyes that even the wisest souls couldn't comprehend. she looked at him again and just wrapped him in a big hug, to which Ricky only cried harder as Nini began whispering on his ear and trying to calm him down.  
eventually, he got into the car and both went to Nini's house, there was no way Ricky would want to see his parents, specially at the state he was in.

"you scared me, you know..." Nini said as she played with Ricky's hair as he laid down on  
her lap, with both on Nini's bed.

"sorry about that, Nini. I just... needed to get out of there, you know? I was feeling..."

"suffocated?"

"yeah,"

"Ricky, I think you should talk to your parents about it. your anxiety is getting worse and worse every day and you know it, and everyone else noticed as well... I won't even get started about... y-your... arm,"

"I don't want to be a burden for my parents... specially now that they're getting a divorce, it's already a lot to handle, they don't have time to deal with their depressed son right now," Ricky says before pausing. "and about... my arm... I haven't done it for a long time now, I'm okay," he says as she nods and hugs him.

"I'm worried about you, Ricky,"

"I'll be fine,"

"promise?"

"promise," he reassures her as they put their pinky fingers together. "now, let's go to sleep, I'm really tired," he says as she nods and Ricky goes to the inflatable mattress.

"night, Ricky,"

"night, Nini" he said as he closed his eyes, allowing sleep to take over him, and everything went black.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

"stay away from me and Nini, okay?

" don't act like my best friend, don't act like her boyfriend, just stop acting! period. why can't you just be real? "

"sweetie, we decided to legally separate,"

"I said, why are you still here? you got what you wanted, just go home,"

"y-you d-don't know me, y-you don't know what it's like to be i-insecure ab-bout everything!"

Ricky falls to the ground. the ground wasn't hard, though, it was kind of soft. 'weird,' he thought to himself. he stood up and realized where he was: he was at the beach. the sound of the waves crashing and the sea gulls brought a sense of calm to his mind. the noise was interrupted by the sound of a woman cheering.

as the woman cheered, Ricky walked toward her, he could see clearly who it was.

it was his mother. she was different, though.  
he couldn't quite make out what was different, but he could tell something was off.

he then looked at the same direction as her and saw a boy and a man in the water. the boy was on a small styrofoam surfboard, with the adult man pushing him through the waves.

the boy had curly hair and brown eyes... until it clicked. he was seeing his own memories.

he sat down on the sand and just watched the scene. he felt happy. he closed his eyes and when he opened, he was in the water with them, causing him to shiver as the cold saltwater came in contact with his skin.

when he looked to the sky, it was as if it was an aurora borealis, but its colors formed a huge screen, playing events from his life.

the day he got his skateboard, when he met Nini during the first day of kindergarten and when he ate Nini's mouldy bread experiment, all of these memories passing by as they were wind. Ricky was in the water, looking up, grinning.

not long after, the colorful sunset that was filling the sky turned into a ferocious storm, and the waves got bigger and stronger.  
he tried to fight, to go back to the shore - but it was useless. all of that happened while more memories were being shown:

the first time his parents argued in front of him, his first panic attack, the first time he cut himself on purpose... until he felt a sharp pain as he looked at his arms and saw all of his cuts opening up, releasing blood to the water.

he felt hands reaching out to his feet and pushing him underwater. he was in danger.  
before he knew it, he was submerged. he tried to swim back to the surface, but the attempt was cut short by numerous hands grabbing him and pulling him to the depths.  
he tried to scream, but the sound wouldn't be heard by anyone. he felt like he was going to pass out, until a voice called for him. but, as soon as he heard it, sounds coming from the depths began whispering terrible things on his ears.

"Ricky, wake up!"

you're such a burden to everyone around you...

"No!" Ricky screamed so the voices could cease, while trying to release himself from the grip of the hands.

"ricky! you're scaring me! wake up!"

"Help me!" he shouted.

no one's ever going to love you.

"No! Please stop, I beg you!" he cried.

"mom! I think Ricky is having a nightmare"

you're the reason your parents got divorced

"Help!" Ricky begged for help, from anyone or anything.

"Ricky, honey, wake up"

you're broken, and there's no one to fix you.

"No!" he yelled through tears.

"Ricky, please! wake up-"

Ricky wakes up screaming his lungs out. He immediately starts sobbing like a baby, still shaking from the dream. he feels someone lean over to him and hug him tightly.

"hey, it's gonna be okay," Nini whispered to him.

"N-nini?"

"yeah, it's me. what was your dream about? do you want to talk about it?" she said as Ricky shook his head and dug his head into her arms.

he always felt safe there, or he thought he did. he didn't feel as safe as he used to... something has changed, but he was too drained to think about it.

before he knew it, he was on Nini's bed, still crying in her arms, as she played with his curly hair and whispered on his ear. the moon was full, and beams of light were invading her room from the open window, giving it an almost mystic atmosphere to it. he fell asleep once again.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*


	5. click.

"Ricky, wake up!"

you're such a burden to everyone around you...

"No!" Ricky screamed so the voices could cease while trying to release himself from the grip of the hands.

"Ricky! you're scaring me! wake up!"

"Help me!" he shouted.

no one's ever going to love you. 

"No! Please stop, I beg you!" he cried.

"mom! I think Ricky is having a nightmare"

you're the reason your parents got divorced

"Help!" Ricky begged for help, from anyone or anything.

"Ricky, honey, wake up"

you're broken, and there's no one to fix you.

"No!" he yelled through tears.

"Ricky, please! wake up-"

Ricky wakes up screaming his lungs out. He immediately starts sobbing like a baby, still shaking from the dream. he feels someone lean over to him and hug him tightly.

"hey, it's gonna be okay," Nini whispered to him.

"N-nini?"

"Yeah, it's me. what was your dream about? do you want to talk about it?" she said as Ricky shook his head and dug his head into her arms.

he always felt safe there, or he thought he did. she didn't feel as safe as he used to... something has changed, but he was too drained to think about it.

before he knew it, he was on Nini's bed, still crying in her arms as she played with his curly hair and whispered in his ear. the moon was full, and beams of light were invading her room from the open window, giving it an almost mystic atmosphere to it. he fell asleep once again.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

"he barely got any sleep... he kept waking up and choking back tears... he's really shaken by this dream he had," Nini said, sighing as she grabbed a cup from the cupboard.

"do you know what he dreamed about?" Dana asked.

"no, but I have a feeling that it's something related to his parents' divorce and all..." Nini said as she filled her cup with water.

"he was shaking and screaming, saying 'please stop,' 'help me,' I've never seen this boy so scared before in my life, not even when Nini fell down his skateboard and broke a finger," Carol said, leaning against the kitchen island holding a mug of coffee in her hands.

"Yeah, he must've been going through a lot," Nini said, leaning against the counter and drinking her water.

"and how didn't I wake up to this?" Dana replied, finishing her coffee mug.

"you might have taken your melatonin capsules," Carol said.

"well, you know me too well, I can't have a good night's sleep without them," Dana replied before putting the mug in the sink. "I'm heading to work, call me if you need anything," she said, grabbing her purse and walking out of the house, the noise of her heels getting lower as she walked away.

"are you going to talk to Ricky about it?"

"Yeah, I'll just... wait until he wakes up,"

"how about you go upstairs and wake him up while I make him a special breakfast? then I can drop you off at school if he doesn't want to skip it..." Carol said to Nini, as she nodded, going upstairs.

"Ricky? good morning, rise and shine," Nini said chuckling as she lightly shakes him. he wakes up and yawns, looks around and his eyes meet Nini's. he gives her a smile and suddenly, everything that happened during the night popped once again in his mind. he began breathing heavily and Nini wrapped her arms around him.

"Hey, it's okay, it's okay," she said, as he gradually calmed down. it wasn't instantaneous, but her presence caused him to feel more relieved and less alone.

as he calmed down, both were laying on Nini's bed, her playing some chords in her ukulele and Ricky checking his phone.

"so, do you want to talk about it?"

"a-about what?" Ricky asked, confused.

"about, you know... last night?"

"oh," Ricky sighed and continued. "it was a very... confusing dream, you know? I kind of saw myself at the beach when I was little, with my parents, and then... I felt as if I was being drowned... I don't know... like, hands grabbing me by my... ankle, a-and dragging me underwater..."

"Gosh... that's awful,"

"yeah... at least it was just a bad dream, though..."

"do you wanna go to school today? we can skip... if you want to,"

"are you crazy? Miss Jenn would kill us if we both missed rehearsal on the same day," Ricky said, chuckling a little.

"she'd be like 'neither Troy nor Gabriella would miss a rehearsal, get your head it the game, wildcats!'" Nini mimicked her teacher's voice and both laughed. "Hey, um... my mom made breakfast for you, go eat while I change clothes," she said as Ricky nodded and jumped out of her bed, going downstairs. Nini found herself smiling and shaking her head. how did she fall for that silly curly boy with messy hair? she loved him so much it's kinda gross.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

"EJ, mi Hijo, wake up..." a voice told EJ as he was lightly shaken.  
he opened his eyes to see Mercedes, the cleaning lady - or his second mother, as EJ liked to call her. she's been taking care of him since he was born. she knows all of the medication he needs to take for his anxiety, his pet peeves, and even the way he likes his sandwich cut - diagonally. she always showed up to his games and would always cook meals for EJ's water-polo team meetings. Mercedes and her family were originally from Mexico, but after years of saving money they bought plane tickets to the US, where she found a job at the Caswell residence. he's closer to her than he would ever be to his biological mother, which didn't bother him not even a little.

"good morning, mamá," EJ said to her.

"it's almost 8, don't you have school today?" she said as his eyes went wide and he shot up from his bed, going to his closet and tripping on his shoes in the process, falling on the closet floor as he cursed.

"I'll make you breakfast while you get ready," Mercedes said, going downstairs.

"gracias, mamá," EJ said in a loud voice so that she could hear.

"de nada, mi Hijo," she replied.

EJ quickly ate breakfast and soon enough, he was in his car, driving to school as fast as he could - probably going through one or two red-lights.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

"I'm a smidge confused," EJ said.

"I figured," Gina replied

"What happened to the plan?"

"You made me take you to homecoming,  
then you poured a drink on my head, "

"Yeah, it was pretty complicated. I..."

"Yeah, but if there was ever a next step,  
I think I'm missing it, because I'm still the understudy, and you seem pretty happy. So, what changed?"

Nothing... Everything? Look, I don't know.

I thought you wanted this as bad as I did.

It was more like I felt like I had to get it.

That's the same thing!

"Guys?" Carlos called for them, frustrated.

"So, do you care about Ricky?" he said, feeling his breath stop for a moment as he mentioned his name.

"And what if I care about someone else other than Ricky?" Gina replies, to which some people stop what they're doing to pay attention to the drama unfolding nearby.

"Guys!" Carlos yells.

"what?" Gina and EJ exclaimed in unison, causing feedback that echoed through the whole theater, even causing some to cover their ears.

"I was going to warn you guys that the microphone next to you two is on... and we all might have heard your entire conversation," Carlos said as both stopped on their tracks and looked at each other with wide eyes.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Gina said.

"I've been literally trying to warn you since the conversation started," Carlos exclaimed.

"oh," both Gina and EJ said. both cautiously walked to face the rest of the cast, who was standing on the center of the stage. the moment the two appeared from behind the area they were in, everyone looked at them, causing an awkward tension between the two and the cast.

"Hey, guys..." Gina said embarrassingly, stretching the 'e.' everyone waved awkwardly in response and silence engulfed them once again. everyone was looking at each other, searching for the right thing to say.

"no worries, we weren't listening," Big Red said as Ricky glared at him and hit him with the elbow, causing him to say an 'ouch' in a whisper-yelling voice, which was loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Big Red, please tell me that we got a good picture for the cover," Carlos walked towards him.

"define... good," Big Red said as Carlos sighed deeply as the bell rang and everyone went to the dressing room to remove their costumes.

"looks like I'm the one with the shared brain cell here," Carlos whispered to himself as he walked to the hallway, immediately calling Miss Jenn.

Ricky, Nini, Kourtney, and Big Red kept chatting about random things while the other students were changing into their normal clothes.

Ricky's eyes carefully examined the room, looking for an empty fitting room, until he found one. well, that's what he thought it was. the moment he swung the curtain open - just to reveal a shirtless EJ.

"fuck!" Ricky muttered under his breath.

"me or you?" EJ said sarcastically to which the other boy - whose curly hair was still hidden by the ridiculous Zac Effron wig - began stuttering at the taller boy's response.  
he definitely wasn't expecting that - he was expecting at the very least a basketball ball on his lip, or a fist making contact with his face. EJ noticed the boy's clear confusion and embarrassment and walked over to him, not breaking eye contact. subconsciously, they remained to stare at each other for longer than expected... both of them knew they could stay like that all day long. although they didn't know if this feeling was mutual, they could somehow feel it was. a solid five seconds later, EJ snapped back into reality and realized what he was doing.

"t-take a picture, Bowen, it'll last longer," EJ snapped as he stared at his eyes and quickly swung the curtain closed on his face, leaving Ricky confused about what just happened. he stood there for a while before going to an empty fitting room - this time he double-checked to see if it was empty and changed to his normal school clothes.

Class went by slowly, as always. The same monotonous classes, complicated subjects, and the attention span comparable to the one of a four-year-old, this was the truth of East High School... at least for Ricky Bowen. He always had his school notebook and a sketchbook so he could draw whenever he was feeling anxious about something. Nini was the one who convinced him to buy a sketchbook, and at the very beginning, he rarely used it. But now, the sheets of paper were familiar to him... He felt at home whenever he had a pencil and a sheet. every line, every doodle he made told a different story, but practically all of them were his way to cope with things.

This time was different, he was feeling sick... he felt like he needed to throw up, even though his stomach was practically empty, but he excused himself from class and practically ran for the bathroom. As soon as he locked himself in one of the stalls, he released it all. Never a good sign, he thought. He flushed down the toilet in an attempt to hide his sobs that were growing even more intense. He heard a knock on the door

"Ricky? Is that you?" the voice said, and he immediately recognized the person... the boy whose last name rhymes with 'as well...'

Ricky was too overwhelmed to even care, he just continued sobbing.

"Hey, just... open the door," EJ said softly to which Ricky picked all of the energy he still had and unlocked the door. EJ opened and saw Ricky practically laid down hugging the toilet, crying.

EJ didn't know what to do, he never knew how to react when people cry. He always either tried to comfort the person or would just stand there. He never really learned how to deal with others' sadness, apart from what Mercedes taught him about empathy and feeling the other's pain. He never got to put it in practice, though. He was a lonely person, with way too many people knowing about him, yet no one really knew his existence. And yet there he was, trying to comfort his enemy for God knows the reason.

The curly-haired boy turned around to face him, causing some chills to run through EJ's spine. The boy was pale, his eyes red and puffy, carrying an unexplainable amount of sadness and pain. It was like looking at a ghost. Caswell's instincts acted quicker than his mind and he kneeled down and wrapped his arm around Ricky, who was still sobbing. Ricky tried to back off at first, but then he slowly and gradually wrapped his own arms around EJ, burying his head on the taller boy's neck. It felt really weird at first, but gradually it felt right as if the universe was planning for it to happen. For the second time within twelve hours, Ricky was having a breakdown, except now he was being comforted by his mortal enemy, who coincidentally was in the same bathroom as him, at the same time. Was it just coincidence or the universe actually stepped in so their paths could cross? Neither of them knew, making this moment even weirder. 

"Do you wanna talk about it?" EJ whispered in Ricky's ear, to which the curly-haired boy nodded slowly.

"B-but not now," Ricky said, choking in between sobs.

"That's okay," EJ said as he tightened the grip as a reminder that he was not alone.

"E-EJ?"

"Yeah?"

"D-do you have any mint gum... or something?"

"Oh, sorry. Here," he said as he took a box of gum from his jacket's pocket and handed it to him.

"T-thank you,"

"You're welcome," EJ said, low-key embarrassed, rubbing his hand at the back of his neck. He carefully studied Ricky's facial features and expressions as he opened the box and put gum in his mouth, chewing slowly as he was still crying a bit. He blew a bubble, causing it to pop loudly, making him have a sad smile painted across his face. EJ smiled too, he was feeling bad for seeing Ricky like that. he wasn't exactly fond of the guy, but it didn't mean he wanted him to suffer. 

He knew what it was like to have his world shaking around him and having no one for him to hold on to. His parents were never around and he didn't really have any friends or family whom he was close to, except Ashlyn. His mother and his father were often the reason for his anxiety, so it was impossible for him to see them as a comforting figure rather than an aversive figure like they flipped a switch that activated his anxious feelings.

"So... Whenever you're ready," EJ said, as both once again were sitting on the ground next to each other, with their backs facing the bathroom wall.

"It's just that... It's complicated," Ricky replied, sniffling a bit.

"Look..." EJ sighed. "I know we have this whole rivalry act, as Nini stated... but it doesn't mean I want to see you hurt, okay? You can talk to me... We might hate each other, but I'm not that much of an asshole," he continued, making Ricky chuckle a bit.

"What're you laughing at?" EJ said, feeling his own face open a weak smile.

"We don't hate each other... asshole," Ricky said as EJ playfully rolled his eyes. "We just started on the left foot," the curly-haired boy said as he playfully elbowed EJ. "But..." he took a deep breath before continuing. "It's like... um... m-my parents are splitting up, and it's weird, you know? You're afraid of change and boom, big changes happen in front of you while you just sit there, not being able to do anything..."

"Like everything's spiraling out of control?"

"Yep. A-and sometimes I feel selfish for being sad all the time, it's not like there's a big reason behind it or whatever, I'm just sad," Ricky said.

"You're not selfish, Rick. You should take your time and allow you to feel your emotions as they come and go," EJ said as Ricky smiled at the nickname. Rick, he liked it.

"I know... B-but I can't help but overthink... Like everything's happening around me is my fault," he said as EJ put an arm around his shoulder.

"I know, I know. I have the same... stuff... I guess," EJ replied.

"I suspected when you had that... panic attack during homecoming," Ricky said.

"Yeah..." EJ said, nodding.

"Y-you can talk to me too, okay?" Ricky said, also putting his arm around EJ.

Both boys kept there for a while, sharing silence. Not the awkward silence, but a strangely comforting silence. Well, until the bell rang.

"So, I guess that's where we say our goodbyes and go back to hating each other," Ricky joked as EJ stood up and helped him stand up.

"See you at rehearsal then, jerk?" EJ replied, teasingly.

"See ya, asshole," Ricky replied and left the bathroom before EJ. He was halfway through the hallways as both were going their separate ways when he had the sudden urge to look back - but he ignored it. Seems like he wasn't the only one with this desire, but unlike him, EJ looked back at Ricky.

"Okay, it was the very first interaction I had with EJ without him trying to kill me - or vice versa. I don't know, it was... weird. But I'm not complaining either. I mean, I was having a mental breakdown and he didn't want to be the asshole of the story, right? I think that was a kind of reconciliation... So the rivalry thing is over, I guess..." Ricky said to the camera, as it zoomed on his face.

"Okay. Gabriella, I need you downstage on this mark. Troy, stage right. Chad, stage left box. Um, other boys, find a box," Carlos said, clearly not knowing what he was doing. Ricky had his head on the clouds and didn't even notice the commotion that was happening until someone mentioned Miss Jenn was leaving.

"What?" Ricky asked, confused. But no one answered and when he noticed, everyone was leaving the bomb shelter. He quickly followed suit and did the same. "Hey," he called for Gina.

"Ricky? Hey! What's up?" she said.

"What happened?"

"Miss Jenn might lose her job," Gina said.

"Shouldn't we be doing something to help her?"

"Yeah, I have the same feeling..." Ricky said as Gina looked at the door, seeing her mother waving beside the car.

"Shoot, my mom's already here. Anyways, see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, sure, b-bye Gina," he said as she practically jogged to the main doors.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Once again, here I am, drinking to forget my problems. It's seriously turning into a problem, but I'm too emotionally exhausted to even care, to be honest. I mean, who would care about me drinking my ass off? My mother pretends she cares, but it's only to boost the family's reputation and ego. Ashlyn's the only person who cares about me, and Nini too - but she doesn't know about my... stuff. 

and once again, I went home by uber, made sure there was no one around, and just let my emotions overflow and take over me. I was broken. there's no one to fix me, no one can fix me, my mind is so messed up and foggy right now that I can't even process anything. I feel like a small boat having to face the storm by itself without an anchor. It's very tough - and as Ricky said, I feel selfish for not really having a reason to be sad about it, even though I gave him the advice my therapist gave me, I feel exactly like him. 

I still don't really know what happened in the bathroom, I was painfully unlike myself. I never thought I'd see Ricky crying - and worse, I never thought I'd hug him, and he would hug back. I don't know, we are in a very weird limbo state where we still hate each other but give each other emotional support.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

I sigh as I wipe my arm, pull my sleeve back up, and hide the razor once again. I take a deep breath. When did I stop being the happy, positive person that I always have been? I don't know, and I don't think I'll know the answer anytime soon. I don't know, I just wish there was someone to fix me.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･


	6. what team.

trigger warning: abusive parents, underage drinking and self-harm

"I still don't know what happened today in the bathroom. I mean, sure, Ricky was feeling really bad and I mean, the guy's parents are splitting up, so I didn't want to be an asshole. But yeah, we're still enemies, we hate each other. It was a one-time thing and no one has to know. I hate him, he hates me, but that doesn't mean I want his life to go downhill. I play to win but just because of that, it doesn't mean I can't be a helpful person," EJ said to the camera as it zoomed at his face and transitioned to Ricky, who's at home wearing a regular T-Shirt and a band-aid on his arm.

"Look, I'm confused enough with my life already, I don't need any more drama and confusion... And by that I mean EJ helping me while I was puking my intestines off and crying in the bathroom. He didn't have to help me, I would understand if he didn't want to intervene in his nemesis' existential crisis... But he did. That's what confuses me..." Ricky said to the camera.

"Yeah, EJ spent a great part of geometry class in the bathroom. I mean, was he drinking? Hooking up with someone? Look... I don't know," Rico said to the camera.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Ricky was on his bed, staring at the ceiling and sinking in the imaginary hole he wished was real. What was he doing to his life? Or worse, what were life's plans for him? He didn't know the answer to either of those questions. He decided to gather all of his energy and go to the skate park, he always felt better with a helmet, and under the lights the skate park has. The plans of skating are soon cut short by a text from Big Red, telling him to go to his home. He looks and doesn't think much of it, and heads to the shower. The cold water making contact with his skin helps him to be more aware of his surroundings and helps him to clear his mind. He thinks about pretty much everything while he's in the shower: his relationship with Nini, his parents, his grades, the musical... and EJ. Why did he help him? Ricky literally hit him in the face with a basketball, he'd have all the reason if he just looked at his pitiful state in the bathroom and just walked away. But he didn't do it, he showed... empathy? Since when EJ Caswell displayed emotions other than anger and annoyance? But Ricky hoped that things would get back to normal soon and that they'd continue hating each other.

When Ricky got out of the shower, he quickly changed to a dark orange hoodie and jeans with tears on the knees. He got his phone and before he knew it, he was going to Big Red's basement. He had the questionable habit of forgetting to put on his helmet while he was skating, but nothing bad has ever happened.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧

my throat burns, I drink the liquid and I throw the bottle away. I feel myself getting lighter. I look over to the trash can I threw the bottle in. it's my second bottle already, I need to stop. I sigh and think to myself. it's just the same every day, pretty much a routine by now. get drunk, cry, punch a wall and regret it five seconds later after feeling a huge pain. people think I don't have emotions... if only they could see what's going on under the mask. Unfortunately, no one would care... My parents, Ashlyn, Nini, not even Ricky would care. I am a failure. Why can't I just be like others? Why is my mind so screwed up? people think I'm a pillar, but I see myself as a pillar with a lot of structural issues and at the brink of collapsing.

I feel my phone vibrating, I take it out of my pocket to see a text from Big Red. he wants me to go to his house to hang out. Hm, weird, I thought to myself. don't get me wrong, he's the sweetest person in the world, he even sends me memes sometimes - and I send him memes as well, because he doesn't deserve my asshole-ness. we occasionally even chat during rehearsal - but during the times that Ricky was too busy, or else he'd make a scene for seeing his best friend talking to his nemesis. he told me that Ricky thinks I hate him - and I think Ricky hates me. to be honest, when I first met him I hated him more than I currently do...

the uber arrives at wherever I was, I quickly get in and soon enough, I arrive at Big Red's house, along with what seemed like the whole drama club, at the same time. everyone was looking kind of confused, but they just followed each other to the basement like a school of sardines. the moment I got down the staircase, trying my best to not stumble upon myself and fall, my eyes met Ricky's. we might have locked eyes for longer than we thought, since we were being stared at by everyone and we didn't even notice until Ashlyn said my name in a warning tone, making me jump and look around confused at everyone. she gave me an even more confused face and slightly squinted her eyes at me. a few seconds later, everyone began chatting with each other again - but for some reason, I had the urge to laugh. it was the alcohol kicking in, I thought to myself, trying my best to hold back my laughter - but all the attempts were in vain. I was full-on laughing and everyone stopped what they were doing to look at me.

"you're acting weird, EJ," Ashlyn said.

"What? I-I'm super fine, never better," I replied, trying to sound natural. she quickly caught up and connected the dots. oh, great - she'll give me a lecture on how I shouldn't be drinking and whatnot. but instead she just sighed deeply.

"Look, just go sit by the couch," she said, pushing me gently as I sat down on the couch, her following suit.

"what are we even doing here? this is a waste of time," EJ said almost whining, stretching the 'i' of the final word and laughing. a few instants later, his attention focused completely toward his phone and a few minutes later, the plan was settled. they would write a song and save Miss Jenn's job. after a few hours of planning and dancing, he heard his phone ringing.

"hello?" EJ said.

"where the fuck are you?" the voice said.

"at a friend's house with Ashlyn, nothing to worry about, Mom,"

"I don't care. come home right now. don't make me go over where you are. you were grounded and you desoboyed me. and you know what happens when you desobey me," she yelled through the phone.

EJ quickly found it hard to breathe and stomped out of the basement and into his car, driving to his house.

"I made dinner,"

"okay, where is it

I ate it all, but you can do the dishes

why are there so many dirty plates?

I was trying to find a beautiful one, so I just tried them all. and I should say, there's a lot of wet food.

where's my glove and my sponge?

ej, honey, they're bad for the environment, it's way better if you only use your hand.

the wet plates were slippery, and the noise of the loud TV turning on made him jump in surprise and break a glass on his hand in the sink.

"EJ, what the fuck was that?" she yelled as ej went for the paper towels to clean the bloody mess that the palm of his hand has become. "I think someone's wanting a visit from Mr. Belt..."

"no... please, mom, no," EJ begged as tears began falling.

"stop. being a little girl and act like a man!" she yelled. "turn around and face the wall" she said and ej shook his head. "turn around your pussy!" she said as he slowly turned around. a few seconds later, the noises of 'Mr.Belt' were almost as high as EJ'a cries.

"show me your hands," she said as EJ reluctantly showed one hand. "the two hands," she said as EJ slowly showed the wounded hand. she quickly whipped both hands with the belt, causing EJ to scream in pain, especially with his hurt hand. the feeling he got when the glass cut his hand was... strangely relieving. his pain seemed to go away for a few instants. he should do it more often, he thought.

"and that's why you shouldn't go out when you're grounded" she said as she put the belt down and walked back to the TV area. EJ slowly went upstairs, locked himself in the bathroom and sobbed his eyes out.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

"today was... cool," Ricky said to Nini as she drove him to his house.

"yeah, I had a good time. the only thing I found weird was EJ leaving out of nowhere... and he seemed pretty angry as well,"

"yeah, I wonder what's going on with him..." Ricky drifted as Nini gasped. "what?" ricky asked.

"Richard Bowen, are you worried about EJ?" Nini said as Ricky got embarrassed and began stuttering. why was he caring about EJ? a question that he didn't know how to answer.

"w-what! no! I'm just... curious," Ricky said, when in reality, not even him knew why he began wondering - and worrying - about EJ's mental health.

"aw, you're so embarrassed! it's almost like you have a crush on him!" Nini said to which Ricky

"and you look like you have a crush on Gina!" Ricky teased as Nini laughed awkwardly and continued driving in silence.

"good night, Ricky. call me if you need anything," Nini said as both shared a short peck on the lips and Ricky walked into his house, not looking back. the kiss felt... different. he didn't know how to explain it. but it didn't feel like it always felt. the butterflies were gone... so as the electricity, but he didn't think much of it.

he got home and went upstairs, being careful to not wake his parents up. when he was laying on his bed, he began debating whether to text EJ asking what's wrong or not. he'd probably find him weird for noticing he was mad when he left Big Red's basement, but on his defense, it was as clear as the day.

he opened the drama club's group chat. why was he even doing it?  
he searched for EJ's number and opened their non-existent conversation. he began typing.

is it too late to give up, ricky wondered to himself.

hey, it's Ricky in case you didn't have my number. are you okay? you looked kinda mad when you left Big Red's basement

for some reason, Ricky got nervous when he sent the text and just threw his phone on the other side of the bed. he took a deep breath and began staring at the ceiling again, when his phone vibrated. it was EJ.

hey, Ricky. I'm not that okay, but I will be.

Ricky found himself breathing heavier as he thought of an answer to the text.

do you want to talk about it? if you need to, I'm here for you.

a matter of instants later, EJ responded.

I can't really talk about it, but thank you, I really appreciate, Rick.

Ricky smiled at the stupid nickname EJ gave him.

okay then. good night, asshole.

good night, jerk. see you tomorrow.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

I just made a really stupid decision and now I'll have to wear long sleeves for a few weeks, or months. I should've called it a night when my mom beat the crap out of me, but now I have bruises from the belt, a cut in my hand from the broken glass and cuts in my arm that I did myself. yes, it's relieving for a while, but then this feeling turns into shame and you try to hide it at all costs.

I look at the mirror. my face is tear-stained, my hair is messy and thrown to all sides, my breaths are still shaky and my hands are trembling.

I wish there was someone to fix me.


End file.
